Are you a control freak? Although you may bristle at the term, if someone else has mentioned that you have issues with control then it is likely there is some truth in it. Even if others haven’t mentioned it you may recognise yourself as someone who struggles to delegate, seeks perfection and wishes others would behave differently to make your life better. All these are symptoms of trying to control more than you are able.
Control Freak Signs
There is little in reality that any of us can truly control other than our own behaviour and choices. How others respond is down to them, how a situation unfolds is beyond us, even so, do you find yourself demonstrating any of the following:
- Attempting to change others by repeatedly asking them to change something about themselves.
- Watching over people when you’ve asked them to do something.
- Insisting on people doing things your way.
- Planning everything down to the tiniest detail.
- Changing yourself to change other’s views or behaviour towards you.
- Becoming frustrated or angry when things don’t go your way.
- You force your opinion on others or just insist on trying to get people to see things your way.
- You make judgements on others according to their behaviour and opinions.
- You manipulate others by presenting your criticisms, constructive or otherwise or forceful opinions to try to make them change their views.
- You like to know all the facts about everything.
- You see failure when things haven’t turned out according to your expectations.
- You blame others for how you feel.
Control is often important to us as it helps us to feel safe and secure. If your life has or did have lots of uncertainty or chaos then asserting control is a natural coping strategy. The issue is when this becomes a hindrance to you. Trying to control everything and everyone is extremely tiring and demoralising as it just does not work.
Once you can accept that you have little control over anything apart from yourself consider the true risk of letting go of the control of others and situations. Although the thought may make you feel uncomfortable think about taking small steps. Instead of insisting on others behaving in a certain way you can let them know if their behaviour upsets you, leaving them to decide on changing or not. I hate the mess my sons leave in their rooms so, most of the time, I close the doors and ignore it.
Ask others for their suggestions in how to do things, or listen when they offer their ideas, taking them into consideration. Look to make progress in what you do; it is OK to make mistakes or have some imperfection in life. Consider how important it really is in the grand scheme of things.
From one control freak to another – time for me to let you make up your mind about your behaviour!