Over the years I have had to make some huge personal life changes in my life.
Despite trying to make things work, I had to let go and admit defeat. Both personal and work-related aspects of my life had to go.
This has always been hard for me as I’d view giving up as a sign of failure. It is a humbling experience. Certainly, something that my ego does not like.
Also, giving up on anything I have invested time and effort in is hard for me. Especially as I hate waste. I had to come to terms with the sunk cost of resources I had used. Time, energy and even money I cannot get back. Not to mention that I had to accept that putting in more time and effort was pointless.
As a born fixer it also goes against the grain for me. Until I resolve a problem I do not want to give up. But not all problems have solutions. Sometimes the source of the problem may be out of my control.
Where I Was Going Wrong
On one hand, I was considering the resources expended. The past. On the other hand, I would also have been anxiously thinking about the future. How much life I may have left and what I hadn’t achieved.
Above all, I was never present in the now. For instance, what was important to me. What were my priorities and was I giving them the attention they deserved?
Low self-esteem made me feel inadequate. My barometer to happiness was based on my views of other peoples’ success. Sometimes this would be a materialistic measure. At other times, career or achievement related.
I was constantly battling my inner self. Over the years this tarnished my once positive confident behaviour. I lost my shine. Life became a slog. I became mentally exhausted. Frayed. And then other personal circumstances pushed me too far.
Finally, this led to total overwhelm from anxiety. I could not continue and I had to make some big personal life changes.
Time to Make Personal Life Changes
Coming to terms with my mental health was the best thing that happened to me. I had to accept that I had a problem. And I needed to heal.
And the only person that could do this was me.
I had to shift my perspective. To reflect and review. To consider that giving up and even walking away from some parts of my life was maybe the right solution too.
This internal shift was the game-changer. I had to come to terms with what was truly in my control. And that was only me and my behaviour.
I also had to be honest with myself. What I considered positive was often negative behaviour.
I had to learn that sometimes my tenacity was just stubbornness. My ambition was pride. My helpfulness was a desire to control others and interfere in their lives.
On the other hand I had to learn to be kind to myself.
But most importantly I had to learn to go of the past and the future.
Learning to Let Go
So I accepted my position and committed to change myself. Without doubt my life has changed.
However, it didn’t happen quickly. It has required a lot of work and the process is ongoing. I ended a long term relationship. I changed jobs several times. This included accepting lower-paid roles and fewer hours.
Now, I reflect before I make big decisions. If it sits well with my values then I take action. Even if others try to give me their solutions for me.
I have come to accept that I need time to heal. To work things through.
As I coach others I continue to learn a lot about myself and where I have come from on my personal journey. I listen to people and hear how they need something and want it now. I hear desperation to achieve life goals quickly.
And I hear a memory of myself doing the same. Yet, it can take years to unravel the damage we do to ourselves.
I am heading into the late summer of my life. Each day that passes is one more day gone for me. But instead of fretting about the past or worrying about the future, I try to stay in the present. To enjoy the moment. I am a work in progress.
We all need to find our own way to make our personal life changes. And coaching can help you on that journey.
Join me if you wish. It’s in your control.